I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I CAN MOONWALK!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
