I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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