tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
