Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
