What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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