Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Everclear isn't food dammit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
