i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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