Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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