What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
