I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
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