This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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