Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
