I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
