Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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