david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
