I am puke
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
