Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
