Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
