you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
