I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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