i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
