I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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