i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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