i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
