I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
