her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
