Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
