True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
