I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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