I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there is puke in my bra ... again
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