I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
