textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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