4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
