I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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