Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
