pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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