Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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