I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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