walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
