Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
