my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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