So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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