I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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