masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
don't judge my taste in strippers
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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