Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
