I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently you make a good broom.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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