Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
