Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
