I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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