Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
