discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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