Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
