No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
