I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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