I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
