She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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