I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
