So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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