Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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