party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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