can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
