i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize